Wrapping Up 2017: Worst Movies of the Year With a Special Guest Writer

[The following article is the transcript of a previously recorded exchange between main writer Nathanael Molnár and special guest writer Rob Giachinta, as they talk about their least favorite movies of the year, as part of their Wrapping Up 2017 editorial series. You can read all of the entries into this series here. This was recorded on Tuesday, January 30th]

**There will be spoilers for the movies**

Nathanael: Hello, and welcome to The Movie Paradise. I am your host, Nathanael Molnár, and I am joined today by a special guest writer, Rob Giachinta.
Rob: Hey, what's up boys and girls?
Nathanael: So this is our worst of the year for 2017, and it is the last installment in our Wrapping Up 2017 editorial series. Before we get started, I just wanted to preface this with something. So I've gone back and forth with people in the past about whether or not movie fans should do worst of the year lists. Many say it's mean spirited, but I think it's a perfectly fine thing to do as a movie reviewer and as a content creator.
Rob: Yeah, I mean, if we're not allowed to talk about the worst movies, why should we talk about the best ones?
Nathanael: Exactly! I've always said, it's the yin to the yang!
Rob: Just because we don't like these movies doesn't mean other people don't like them.
Nathanael: I've read so many bullshit things about, "Oh, you're just trashing artists and you should only do a worst list of it's constructive criticism". No! We're talking about films. Honestly, if I like a film, I'll say I like a film. If I don't like a film, I'll say I don't like a film. I'll articulate why I liked it or why I didn't like it. As long as you can back up what you're saying with evidence from the film, and you're not just saying, "I didn't like it cause it sucked!" If you actually have valid reasons, then you should be able to talk about it, and I don't see a difference between doing best and worst lists, and putting positive and negative criticism into a movie review. So, I don't see a difference there.
Rob: I know a lot of these movies people put hard work into them. But I feel like there's a lot of movies where people honestly just don't give a shit about them. I'm sorry, but I really don't think Michael Bay cares that much about the Transformers movies. If he really cared, he'd try to do something different. But no, he keeps on putting out the same piece of shit every time he makes a Transformers movie. He honestly does not give a fuck about it, so why should I be nice to it?
Nathanael: I do understand there are people saying, "Well, it's not just one person behind a film. You have hundreds of other people working on that film. Don't shit all over a movie, because you had about five hundred work on the visual effects of that film." They all got paid. They did a job. It's a contract job, essentially. Like, alright. Here's a little insider information. Rob Giachinta here works in floor installation. Rob, you're told to go do a job, right? You go and do that job, and you get paid. Now you may care a little bit [about the final product], but are you really going to go to the extent of saying, "Well, the person whose floor I installed shouldn't criticize my work because I worked really hard on that!" You did a contract job. You were paid to do it. You installed a floor. If they like it, they like it. If they don't like it, they don't like it.
Rob: Yeah, honestly, because we get call-backs all the time because something wasn't done exactly correctly.
Nathanael: And you know who they should blame? If the floor job is bad, the person who deserves to get shit on is the one who took the job, ordered you guys to do what you did. It's your boss, your manager. It's not your fault. By the same analogy, let's say you have a visual effects person who was one of the five hundred people who worked on the visual effects of Transformers. We do a worst list of the year, and start criticizing Transformers and saying it sucked, that person shouldn't be upset because we're not criticizing them. They were paid to do a job, and they did their job. It's not their fault the film turned out to be shit. It's their boss', which ultimately--I mean, there's many other bosses below him--but ultimately it's Michael Bay, and he did a shitty job.
Rob: Yeah, and honestly, the only good thing about the Transformers movies are the visual effects. So good job to them.
Nathanael: Yeah, so having worst lists is part of free film discussion, and it's part of film criticism, film journalism and reviewing. Anyways, enough about that. How this is going to work is that I am going to talk about my dishonorable mentions. Rob will talk about his dishonorable mentions. Then I'll do my #5-2. Rob will do his #5-2. Then we'll both say what our #1 worst film of 2017 was. 

Nathanael's Dishonorable Mentions

Nathanael: My third dishonorable mention is Justice League. Once again, if you'd like to know my full thoughts on Justice League, you can check out our ranking of the comic book movies. There I go into my full thoughts. [Read that here] But briefly... Justice League... it was completely underwhelming. Speaking of CGI, half the CGI in this movie was shit. I thought it was poorly written. It was sloppily put together. You could clearly tell that they had one vision, and then someone else came in and tried to fix all these things and change all these things, and they were just juggling all these pieces, and they were like "Hey, let's put it out like this!", and it just felt like a mess. Now, there are redeeming qualities to it, but I didn't really see much merit in Justice League. And honestly, I don't really give a shit about the movie, and I never care to see it again. Honestly, it's one of those movie that I forget about as soon as I see it. 
Rob: I liked it. But I agree, I don't think I really need to ever see it again. I thought it was a step in the right direction from a movie like Suicide Squad.
Nathanael: Yeah, it was better than Suicide Squad, but it was still bad.
Rob: I don't know. I thought, in the end, the positives outweighed the negatives. It was an average movie. But it doesn't make you excited for anything coming up in the DCEU
Nathanael: No. Honestly no. And I said it before, I'm looking forward to Aquaman. But if we hadn't just had Justice League, I'd be a lot more excited for Aquaman
Rob: I agree. [Read our review for Justice League here]
Nathanael: My second dishonorable mention is Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. This another underwhelming film. Johnny Depp's shtick of being Captain Jack Sparrow... I'm so sick of it. It was cool and it was new and it was innovative in the first film. It got him an Oscar nomination. But after five times... they're not taking the character in a new direction. It's just the same old shit. Every time he was on screen I was rolling my eyes. The story wasn't anything worthy. The one thing I was really looking forward to was Javier Bardem, because I know how talented of an actor he is. I thought he was going to bring something new to this film, and I thought he was going to bring a villain role that I thought could be really good. And he was just plain. He was hammy and he was cheesy, and I don't really blame him for that because that's kind of what they were going for with the film. He just delivered on what they wanted, but you could have done more with an actor of his caliber. You could have done something more with that than just be cheesy, crappy, forget-about-him-as-soon-as-he's-off-the-screen villain. Or a Marvel villain, you could say. You could make the argument, "Well, what did you expect? It's the fifth Pirates movie..."
Rob: Honestly, what did you expect?
Nathanael: I wasn't expecting much. But I still didn't like it. 
Rob: I thought the Pirates movie was fun, but it was another movie this year where I thought it was fine, but I never feel the need to see it again. 
Nathanael: Yeah, and I didn't really think it was that much fun. I think I fell asleep at some point.
Rob: And do I want to see another Pirates movie? No, I could care less. [Read our review for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales here]
Nathanael: My first dishonorable mention is the greatest comedy of the year, without a doubt, Thor: Ragnarok. Once again, I go into my full thoughts on Thor in our ranking of the comic book movies. It's another film similar to Dunkirk... I'm in the minority. We're both in the minority on Thor, but it's just bad, and I don't know why people like it. I honestly don't. I don't see any merit in it. It's got two cool action sequence, and... [pause] I'm really stretching for some other good things about Thor
Rob: I feel like if you took the "Immigrant Song" out of those sequences, they wouldn't be that cool.
Nathanael: No, exactly! It's a song by Led Zeppelin that actually makes the movie cool. The comedy is just off, and it's so bad. It's not even funny. There's no story. They take the character of Thor (Chris Hemsworth) in... he's Deadpool, essentially, but not in a good way. He's just this dummy that walks around, trips over his own feet, doesn't know what direction up is. He's just a complete buffoon. He's completely incompetent and completely incapable of doing anything. Korg (Taika Waititi) is just terrible. They took a really cool comic book character and absolutely shit all over him. You do have some interesting things, though. Jeff Goldblum worked for the film, but that's just because the film was eccentric and he was eccentric, and the two eccentricities just kind of aligned right. Tessa Thompson was fine. I didn't think she was great. Everyone was freaking out after the movie, "Oh my God! Tessa Thompson's like the greatest female person ever to live!"
Rob: "Give her a spin-off film!"
Nathanael: She was fine. She was cool, I guess. But there was nothing about her that made me want to see more of her necessarily. I mean, if she pops up in another movie... if Korg pops up in Avengers: Infinity War, I'm going to shoot my brains out. But if Tessa Thompson shows up, I'll be like, "Okay, whatever." They tried something different with the character [of Thor], because I admit he needed to be re-branded because his solo films were not working. But they went too far with it, and it turned out to be shit. 
Rob: I didn't really like the film, either. I saw more movies [this year] that I hated even more, but I agree, I don't think it worked very well either. [Read our review for Thor: Ragnarok here

Rob's Dishonorable Mentions

Rob: My third dishonorable mention is... this one's supposed to be the comedy of the year, and I walked the fuck out of this movie. Girls Trip
Nathanael: Oh, that appears later on my list. 
Rob: The reason I wasn't going to see it at first is because it looked like a girls' movie or whatever. It just wasn't for me. But people were saying, even guys, that this was a funny movie, and that it's funny for everyone, kind of like a Bridesmaids. So I was like, "Okay, I'll go see it." 
Nathanael: Not funny at all.
Rob: Our theater wasn't really laughing either! Did you think so?
Nathanael: No, not really!
Rob: The plot was just a rehashed plot from other movies. The thing that was going to make that movie work was being funny, because if it's not funny, there's nothing else in that movie [worth seeing]. So the fact that I didn't find it funny made it insufferable to watch.
Nathanael: And I was reading people, like Hollywood Reporter, Variety, people making serious cases for why Tiffany Haddish was snubbed for Best Supporting Actress. I was like, "Are you fucking kidding me?" 
Rob: I don't know. We are in the minority on this.
Nathanael: I don't get it. I'll wait to talk more about Girls Trip, because that's later on my list. [Read our Girls Trip review here]
Rob: So my second dishonorable mention... actually, [when we saw these movies in the theater] we got a sandwich of movies: two bad movies on either end, with a good one in the middle. The first one was Girls Trip, then we saw Baby Driver, and that was the delicious meat in the middle. But then we saw A Ghost Story. Maybe I just didn't get it or something, but I found this to be absolutely boring to watch. All the scenes were trying to shove it in your face. It was just slow, and everybody was too mellow in a way. And that scene with Rooney Mara eating the pie... are you fucking kidding me?
Nathanael: I was just going to talk about that! We were sitting in the theater, and I said out loud, "Are you fucking kidding me? Is she really just going to sit and eat a goddamn pie for five minutes?" [laughs]
Rob: I knew it was coming, but I didn't expect it to be that bad.
Nathanael: It was awful to watch. A Ghost Story isn't on my list, so I'll just talk about it now. 
Rob: It's not?
Nathanael: No, it's not. 
Rob: Oh wow.
Nathanael: I think you have a really cool idea there, and you could have done something really neat, something really profound, and something really interesting with it, and they didn't do any of those things. It was boring. It beats you over the head. It was preachy. It was pretentious as fuck. It felt very arrogant. 
Rob: It was like, "Look at me! Look at me! Look how artsy I am!"
Nathanael: Exactly! It was an elitist art house film. And that pie-eating scene was just awful. That's one of the worst scenes of the year.
Rob: Oh yeah.
Nathanael: Two of the year's worst scenes both involve food, from the grapefruit scene in Girls Trip to the pie-eating scene in A Ghost Story. [Read our review for A Ghost Story here]
Rob: And my first honorable mention is Fist Fight. Besides the first ten minutes, I thought it was another movie where if it's not funny, nothing else about this movie works, and I didn't find it funny. Everybody had their own shtick, and they kept beating you over the head with it, and I wasn't in the mood for it, and I thought it was a terrible movie to be completely honest. 
Nathanael: I mean, I didn't mind it. I didn't think it was really that good, but I didn't hate it. I thought the fight was actually really cool.
Rob: Yeah, that part wasn't bad. 
Nathanael: And it had a couple of scenes that I enjoyed.
Rob: The beginning was kind of funny.
Nathanael: There wasn't anything in it that made me go, "Oh, I fucking hate this movie." It was just whatever. 
Rob: I didn't like it. [Read our Fist Fight review here]

Nathanael's #5-2

#5 Ghost in the Shell

Nathanael: Anyways, moving on. My #5 is Ghost in the Shell. Oh boy, okay. I got to psych myself up to talk about this one. This movie is just shit. It's boring as fuck. Scarlett Johansson can't even save it. The action sequences are probably the best thing about it, but even those... they're like shaky-cam. I didn't care at all about the story. Well, I think the actual idea of it is really cool, and I like the world. So I bought the anime that it's based off, because I figured that, if I liked the concept of it, then I would like that. I still haven't watched it, because I was so turned off by this movie. But it's boring. It's not well done. I don't think even the CGI is... I don't think the performances are even that good. 
Rob: I thought the special effects were pretty good, but other than that, there was nothing that made me say, "Oh wow, that was a good movie." It was just kind of blah the whole time.
Nathanael: Yeah, it was very blah. That's a good way to put it. I remember, there was something happening to me during the third act. I was either texting someone or had to make a phone call... whatever it was, I had to get up and leave the theater. I kept going in and out of the theater because I had to keep taking phone calls. And I realized that I wasn't invested in the movie in the slightest.
Rob: You should have just walked out!
Nathanael: And I had no problem getting up and leaving the theater for several minutes at a time. I think that's more [why I didn't like it], because I realized that I just did not care about the movie at all, and that's a big thing for me. If I'm not invested at all, then I feel like I'm wasting my time. And if I feel like I'm wasting my time, then it's going to make me hate the movie even more. So that's a big reason why it's on my list. 

[Read our review for Ghost in the Shell here]

#4 Girls Trip

Nathanael: My #4 is Girls Trip, which we talked a lot about before, so I'm not going to go super into it. When I first saw the trailers, I didn't think it looked good. I watched the trailers, and I didn't think it looked funny. I never really laughed during any of the trailers, and the only reason I went and saw it was because people--critics and reviewers I read and follow, and mostly share their opinions--all said that it was great. So with all those glowing recommendations, I decided to go check it out. And I didn't find it funny at all. I think there were two times where I smirked, and that's about it. It just wasn't funny. It wasn't entertaining in the slightest. It just wasn't good. Anyways, that's my thing on Girls Trip

#3 The Beguiled

Nathanael: My #3 is The Beguiled. I think it was very well shot, but it's just boring as fuck. It is so slow, and it doesn't amount to really anything. When I saw where it was going, I didn't care. I thought, "Really? This is what it's building up to?" It's just so many scenes of just talking, and talking, and these people are here talking, and these people are here talking, and there's a long shot of Colin Farrell lying in a bed, and he's going to talk to people, and all of a sudden he's angry and firing guns, and all of sudden this happens, and all of a sudden this happens... and it just doesn't work, and I was bored to tears, honestly, watching this movie. It was just bad.
Rob: I'd say I enjoyed the performances, and by the end I'd say it was a little bit of a below average film, and I thought there was a part where it could have gotten a little bit better, and that's the scene where they're eating the dinner and they're going to poison [Farrell's character], and it would have created more tension if the character played by Nicole Kidman had to actually eat the mushrooms and then they both die or something like that. But the way it actually plays out is kind of stupid.
Nathanael: That was actually my favorite scene in the film.
Rob: Oh really?
Nathanael: Because I was actually riveted. I actually thought that was the best scene of the movie. It was very Hitchcock-esque in its nature. But the rest of it is just boring.

[Read our review for The Beguiled here]

#2 War Machine

Nathanael: And my #2 is a Neflix film, and I think both of our #2s are Netflix films, and that's War Machine with Brad Pitt. This movie... God, this movie is so bad. I turned it off like 3/4th of the way through it. I just couldn't stand it anymore. It goes for this very strange and weird humor that does not work at all. It tries to be serious, and then it tries to be a spoof movie some times. Like, it has spoof movie humor, but it's serious. It's hard to explain. Brad Pitt is just so wacky and out-there, and he doesn't even feel like a real human being. He's just this caricature. I've heard many people say, "Well, you just didn't understand it! It's a dark comedy and it's a satire!" Well, none of that's apparent, and it doesn't come across that way at all. I just couldn't stand it. On a side note, I'm finding I'm having a hard time articulating why I hated all of these movies because I watched them like in March and April and May, and it was so long ago and I've just tried to block these movies out that I'm struggling to say what I specifically hated anymore, because I've tried to block War Machine out of my consciousness. 
Rob: Yeah, I'd have to agree with that.
Nathanael: Did you ever see it?
Rob: No.
Nathanael: Good. 
Rob: [laughs] I was actually kind of excited for it, but then when you said it sucked I decided not to. I didn't want to waste my time. 

[Read our review for War Machine here]

Rob's #5-2

#5 Downsizing

Rob: But anyways, my #5 is a movie I was pretty excited for, because I love the director. The star of this movie was originally my favorite actor [working in Hollywood], but after this, he's off the fucking list! He's in my #5 and #4 worst of the year! He's had an awful year. You know, for my favorite actor, I want someone who's really talented, but also picks really good projects, so my new favorite actor is Ryan Gosling, and the guy he just replaced was Matt Damon in Downsizing. What the fuck was that? I went into this movie wanting to love it. I was sitting there for about thirty minutes, and I was like, "Oh, this is actually pretty good." About that time, my penis had to tinkle. So I went to the bathroom. I headed to the facilities, and laid my stream out. After I was done, I went back. When I went back, something didn't look right, so I turned to the person I was with and asked what was happening, and he said, "Oh, it went like three years into the future." I was like, what?? I don't know about you, but I hate when movies do that; jumping all over the place.
Nathanael: Yeah, me too.
Rob: So, anyways, so I'm watching it.. and the movie turns into this preachy, "Oh, anybody can save the planet" kind of movie, and nothing was really happening anymore. It's not progressing in any way. No character arcs were being fulfilled in any way, I felt. And I found Hong Chau to be annoying, honestly. I don't see why everyone was giving her accolades. I thought she was honestly the worst part of the movie, in my opinion. It was a huge disappointment, and I just flat out did not like it. 
Nathanael: I was interested in seeing it. I was never jumping up and down [for it], but I was interested. But as soon as the Rotten Tomatoes score came out, and people didn't like it, I just didn't care anymore. But this guy over here was still saying, "Ah! It's going to be awesome!!"
Rob: I thought it was going to be fine. But it was bad. It was bad.
Nathanael: Yeah, I'll never see it now. 

#4 The Great Wall

Rob: And Matt Damon comes up again with #4, The Great Wall. Oh my God! Hey, what's behind the wall? Oh, giant crappy CGI fucking dragon monsters. Oh yeah, Matt Damon's over there [in China] because he's looking for gun powder or something. Bullshit! You just stuck him in there because you needed a big star in the movie. And you know what? The movie fucking sucks and nobody went to go see it and it bombed, so fuck you! First of all, the story's all over the place. You never know what's really happening. You're following all these different plot lines, and everything just gets convoluted and becomes one giant mess of a movie. You have Willem Dafoe, who looks like he stopped giving a fuck about whatever he's doing in that movie. Apparently, he was captured there a long time ago. Who the fuck cares? This whole movie is just filled with all these crappy action scenes where you don't believe any of it is real, because the special effects are not good at all! So why am I supposed to care? 
Nathanael: I never had any interest in seeing this movie. 
Rob: I didn't either, but that was during the point where I was saying, "I'll see anything." 
Nathanael: "Oh, I'll see anything". The most naive thing a film person can say. And I've been there myself. I've had those times where I'm like, "I'll see anything." and then I see just an absolutely terrible movie, and then I'm like, "Yeah, I'm not going to just see anything anymore." [laughs]
Rob: Yeah, The Great Wall was just a bad movie. 

#3 xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Rob: Alright, my #3 is a movie that came out about a year ago, almost to the day, and that's xXx: Return of Xander Cage. They promised this super fun action movie that wasn't going to take itself too seriously, and I don't know about you, but I thought it was taking itself seriously. I didn't like that about it.
Nathanael: Yeah, it was.
Rob: The whole movie is trying to show how tough and cool Vin Diesel is. Dude, you're not that cool. You're like a fifty year old fuckhead. Fuck you. Did you find any of the action in this movie enthralling?
Nathanael: No, not really. 
Rob: No, it wasn't! And all the jokes sucked. They throw Samuel L. Jackson all over the trailers. Folks, he's in the movie for like five minutes, so don't get your hopes up. That was another movie... why did I see that? What a waste of time. 
Nathanael: And the only cool part was Ice Cube showing up, and they spoiled that in the trailers!
Rob: Yeah! I agree. I haven't even see the other xXx films, but I thought it would have been cool [seeing Ice Cube appear in the movie without it being spoiled].
Nathanael: For me, I didn't like xXx. It made it most disappointed list, and not my worst of the year, because I was actually getting kind of pumped for it, because I thought it would just be... kind of like what your expectations were for The Commuter. I thought it wasn't going to take itself too seriously. It was just going to be a fun action movie with cool special effects and cool action sequences. So I was actually looking forward to it. I didn't hate it. Like, I didn't think it was one of the worst movies of the year. But it was disappointing, because I thought it was going to be really fun and it wasn't. Now, the only reason I would go and see another xXx movie is if they did a team up of Vin Diesel and Ice Cube, and if it was the two of them working together, side by side, the whole movie. I'd go see that. But that's the only way I'd go see another one. 
Rob: And it'll still suck. 

[Read our review for xXx: Return of Xander Cage here]

#2 Sandy Wexler

Rob: My #2 is an interesting little film. A Netflix original. It comes in at... I didn't actually look up the run time, but I'll tell you what it felt like. It felt like I was watching a fucking six hour film. In reality, it's about two and a half hours. No Adam Sandler fucking nightmare comedy should be over two hours! Are you trying to make me gouge out my eyeballs? Does this guy realize how talented of a dramatic actor he is? He keeps wasting himself! 
Nathanael: He is!
Rob: He keeps on wasting himself with this shit!
Nathanael: It makes me resent him.
Rob: He's only doing these movies to give his friends paychecks, because they're all fucking drug addicts or something. All his friends are in this movie! Oh, who didn't fucking know that was coming? Rob Schneider, Nick Swardson, the whole fucking gang is back! Wahoo!! I know it's kind of lazy of me to say the whole movie is stupid, but it's stupid! None of the jokes are funny. It's all dick and fart jokes. I could've written this with a fucking two year old! 
Nathanael: [laughing] Oh my God. I kind of want to see it just to see it.
Rob: In short, it's super long, it's not funny, and Adam Sandler is just wasting his talent. 
Nathanael: He is an incredibly talented dramatic actor. 
Rob: I agree!
Nathanael: And he's just wasting it, like you said. 
Rob: I don't think anyone in the real film critic world will ever give him the credit for being a dramatic actor because of all the shit he does. No one's going to be like, "Oh yeah, Reign Over Me is a great movie!" They'll be like, "Oh, That's My Boy, that's funny." Like, fuck that!"
Nathanael: Like I said, I kind of want to watch Sandy Wexler just to see it. Just to see how bad it is. 

Nathanael's #1- 47 Meters Down

Nathanael: Okay, moving on. My #1 worst movie of the year is 47 Meters Down. I hated every second of watching this movie! Honestly, it was going to go direct to home video, but then they're like, "Oh, let's put it in theaters!" and they put it in theaters. Now, I will say, for them it was a smart decision to put it in theaters because it made them a good amount of the money. But the quality of the film felt like it was being made just for home video. It did not feel like a film made to be in theaters. All the CGI and special effects were awful. The performances were laughable. The dialogue was some of the worst dialogue I've heard all year. The story made no sense. And it was just stupid beyond all stupidness. I was just sitting there like, "What the... what the fuck am I watching?" God, I hated every second of watching that film. I got up a couple times because I actually had to use the bathroom. I got up a couple more times just to get out of the theater. 
Rob: I thought 47 Meters Down--for what it was--I enjoyed it. I thought it was fun. I like shark movies. Would I fight you and say it was a great movie? No, I'm not going to. The CGI was not that great. The acting wasn't good. I just thought the overall story and the whole feel of the movie... I enjoyed watching it.
Nathanael: Well there are infinitely better shark movies out there. You have The Shallows. You have Jaws. You have...
Rob: No, I agree. I'm just saying, when shark movies come out, I'm going to go see them, and usually I'm going to enjoy them. That's all I'm saying. I agree that, compared to The Shallows and Jaws and stuff like that, it's a hundred times worse than those movies. But I enjoyed 47 Meters Down for what it was. 

[Read our review for 47 Meters Down here]

Rob's #1- Transformers: The Last Knight

Rob: When we did our lists half way through the year, I already ranted about this. [Read that here] But I'll rant again. Transformers: The Last Knight... hopefully the last shithole, piece of shit movie. Man, when you watch the trailers, you see all these cool Transformers. All cool, all Optimus Prime. When you watch the movie, you know what you get? You get probably 70% humans, and 30% Transformers. The human characters in these Transformers movies suck so incredibly bad, they make you want to take a steak knife, cut out our eyeballs, and shove them up your ass! 
Nathanael: [laughing]
Rob: Oh my God! Nothing they say is funny! I don't get it! There was nobody laughing in the theater, and there were small children in the theater. These movies could be awesome blockbusters, but they keep... they need to take the Planet of the Apes route, and make it more about the Transformers, and less about these fucking annoying humans. Even if you're going to give more screen time to the humans, don't try to be funny. Unless you actually have someone who knows how to be funny, don't try to be funny because you are not funny at all. And there's another thing about this movie. There's so many goddamn side plots and shit like that, it makes your head fucking spin. You have John Turturro doing his thing. You have Jerrod Carmichael doing his thing. Mark Wahlberg's doing his thing. You have those little kids in the trailers, and you're thinking they are going to be a big part [in the movie], but no, they're gone in like five minutes. There's so much shit in here, and it's two and a half hours, and it just makes you want to go insane!!
Nathanael: I haven't seen any of the Transformers movies, and honestly, I don't have any interest in seeing any of them, even the first one. 
Rob: This is the absolute worst one.
Nathanael: But, the only one I have slight interest in seeing is the Bumblebee movie. 
Rob: Yeah, because it's Travis Knight.
Nathanael: It's Travis Knight. It's got a great cast. It looks like they're trying to retcon the series. That is the only one I would consider seeing. But that's only if it gets seventies or eighties on Rotten Tomatoes. If it's like forties, and everyone's like, "Ah, it's the better than the Michael Bay ones, but it's still not great." I'm not going to fucking go see that.
Rob: No, I think if Michael Bay does not have his hands on the Bumblebee movie at all, then I think it could be a good movie. 
Nathanael: Isn't he a producer?
Rob: I don't know. But if he touches this movie in the slightest, it's going to be a pile of shit.
Nathanael: Michael Bay... I just want him to take ten years off.
Rob: Other than the Transformers movies, I like a lot of Michael Bay's other movies. I just don't know what it is with Transformers
Nathanael: I remember, leading up to [this] Transformers, you were pumped. You were like, "Oh yeah! Can't wait to see Transformers. IMAX 3D! Get a big bucket of popcorn! It's going to be awesome!" and then you were very disappointed to say the least. 
Rob: It was an awful night. 
Nathanael: I'm so glad I didn't see that. Honestly, looking at the trailers for Pacific Rim: Uprising, that looks like what these Transformers movies should be. 
Rob: Yeah, I agree. Do you think that movie will be any good?
Nathanael: It has a chance.
Rob: I have a feeling it's not. 
Nathanael: If I had to bet money, I don't think it's going to be good. But I do think it has a chance to be one of these throwaway, fun action movies that doesn't have a lot of value to it, but it's just a fun time at the movies. It could be that, but if I had to bet money, I'd bet on it being bad. 
Rob: It might make a ton of money overseas, but I don't think a lot of people in the United States are clamoring for a Pacific Rim sequel.
Nathanael: Well, I think people were clamoring for it, but they wanted Guillermo del Tor [to direct].
Rob: Oh, yeah, maybe. Well I thought, the one that he did, I didn't think that movie was that great, to be honest with you.
Nathanael: No, neither did I. I didn't really like it, and I really like Guillermo del Toro. 
Rob: Yeah, I like him too. 

Nathanael: Anyways, just to wrap up the list, my dishonorable mentions are Justice League, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, and Thor: Ragnarok. My #5 worst film of the year is Ghost in the Shell, my #4 is Girls Trip, my #3 is The Beguiled, my #2 is War Machine, and my worst movie of 2017 is 47 Meters Down
Rob: Alright. My dishonorable mentions are Girls Trip, A Ghost Story, and Fist Fight. My #5 worst movie of the year is Downsizing, my #4 is The Great Wall, my #3 is xXx: Return of Xander Cage, my #2 is Sandy Wexler, and my #1 is Transformers: The Last Knight.
Nathanael: So that's going to conclude our worst films of the year. Once again, I am your host, Nathanael Molnár. I'd like to thank Rob Giachinta for joining me for this. 
Rob: You're welcome.
Nathanael: And once again, check out the rest of our Wrapping Up 2017 editorial series up on the site. Thanks again for checking this out. 

What do you think? Do you agree with our picks for the worst movies of 2017? What are some other movies you would add to the list? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below. 

Written by: Nathanael Molnár and Rob Giachinta
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